Never Been a Question Before
by TheDoc811
Summary: He wasn't used to it being a question. Her returning. Pit stops were pit stops—nothing more. She would come back and take his hand and all would be alright with the world. 10/Rose


He wasn't used to it being a question. Her returning. Pit stops were pit stops—nothing more. She would come back and take his hand and all would be alright with the world. He wasn't used to having to wonder if this was it, if this was the last straw. Had the danger finally gotten to her?

Had he finally driven her away?

He waited in silence, pretending that it was no big deal, but memories of all the times he'd been alone were bouncing around in his head. He'd shut them out by whistling or by checking the various buttons and levers.

Sometimes he'd visit _her _old estate. You know, the place that was no longer inhabited because he'd done it. He'd lost the person most important to him. Then, he'd remember that it was her who never questioned staying. She promised him forever, and then she was gone. Maybe he should put a taboo on 'forever.' That always seemed to hasten departures.

Then, he'd return to where he was supposed to be waiting. He'd stand there and wish he was waiting for someone else. He'd pretend that they were stopping for tea, and _she'd _come back and laugh at him. He'd brush it off with a smile and say, 'Nothing tea can't cure.' But no, he couldn't say that anymore. Well, he could, but not without the fond memories, and a period of silence in which his new companion would stare at him.

No, he hated when people stared at him.

Well, actually, he didn't mind.

Anyway, not the point.

Sometimes he sit inside and wander down to _her _room. It was practically a shrine now. He never touched anything. He just sat on her bed and wondered what it would have been like if he'd sat there when she had still been travelling with him. He wondered what she would've said if he'd taken that step and told her his darkest secret. If he told her about the Time War, about the lives he'd lost, the people he'd outlived for no good reason,

About how much he loved her.

He hated himself for that. He hated that his last goodbye—the one he'd burned up a sun for (a sun!)—had been cut short. He hated that she had said it to him, but not he to her.

And then a fiery ginger in a wedding dress showed up and reminded him how worse off he was when he was alone. How worse of a person he was, willing to let an entire species drown.

So he found a medical student in a hospital and somehow charmed her into travelling with him. Now, the world had nearly ended—again, and she was inside talking to her family, her family that had been enslaved by one of his kind. He honestly didn't think she was coming back this time. He couldn't blame her for it. After the world was taken over by the sole remaining member of his species, he was very tempted to hole himself up in one of the distant, quiet galaxies and stay there until he finished going through his lives.

And then he remembered the last time he'd nearly been forced to get a mortgage while he orbited a black hole with no means of transportation and only _her _for company. He had actually gotten used to the idea of the two of them living together. Not a bad person to get stuck with. In fact, _she _was the person he wished had been with him in the late 60s during that episode with those annoying stone angels.

The door opened, and he stopped fiddling with the console. She came back! That was rather unexpected, though not unwelcome, of course.

The look on her face was solemn.

She told him a story about a friend. She told him that he would never look at her the way she looked at him. She said that was okay. She said that she'd told her friend to get out in a situation like that.

"So this is me—getting out."

He replied, saying that he couldn't blame her.

She handed him her mobile and ordered him to come running when she rang. He nodded and waved.

And then, all hell broke lose. A bloody space boat broke through the wall. That only further convinced him that he was absolutely terrible for all beings. He lost so many people just to beat one corrupt billionaire. At least the Queen still listened to him.

He began to tinker again. It was a menial task that kept him occupied, even though nothing needed fixing. It just gave him time to think.

There were so many places he could go, so many people he could see.

He could go visit the man who could never die.

He could go check in on the woman he finally said goodbye six lifetimes and many years after he left her. The one who was carrying on his legacy in trying to keep the human race safe without guns.

He could go and watch _her _grow up. After all, he didn't meet her until after she turned nineteen. He could be there for her.

He could change the past…

…and doom all of existence to a paradox.

It was always a question of what's right, not what's easy, but, once, just once he'd like to take the easy path. Make himself happy. Was that too much to ask?

Of course it was. He spent so many years protecting time-space. To damn it in one foul swoop…What would he have said, back when he never had to worry about falling in love.

What had he said when he was in 1913, when he was just human?

'Falling in love, that didn't even occur to him?'

It hadn't. He'd met his love, and then he'd lost her. He went through eight lifetimes without falling in love, and then he had to go and lose her to a different universe.

He should've turned tail and run when Satan had said she was going to die. He should've given Fate the finger and ran.

Now, all he could do was trust Fate to bring her back to him. Fat chance, but he had to have hope. That's what saved the world this time after all.

Hope.

So he returned to the shrine and sat down once more on her bed. He could hope some more after a quick kip.

**A/N**

**Well, that did not go in the direction I expected, but that's okay. Read and review please!**


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